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What to Do When You've Been Cheated On

What to Do When You've Been Cheated On

I found out through my friend that my boyfriend cheated on me. I haven’t brought it up, and I don’t know how to, but the longer I wait, the worse I feel. I don’t know what to do!

Before you do anything, you have to find out if he really did cheat on you. Since you heard it through a friend, who probably heard it through another friend, who probably heard it from someone you’ve never even talked to, it’s important to figure out exactly what happened before you drop any accusations. The best way to find out? Dun dun dun...talking to him. We’re not saying have a huge blow-out fight—in fact, try to keep calm—but just simply airing concerns about what you heard is a solid first step. It's OK to be mad. You should take some time for yourself before making any decisions. Even if it means lying in your bed with a box of chocolates a la Elle Woods (Hey, no shame in that!). You’re allowed to tell him why you’re angry. But be prepared to hear him out, too.

There’s a good chance he’ll deny it (especially since you didn’t witness it firsthand), in which case you’ll need to decide if you want to stay with him—and whether you trust him enough to keep dating.

If he does admit to it, he’ll probably be ready with a bunch of reasons. Listen to him, but don’t believe every word he says. You should know that even if he is being honest, he’s probably not telling you everything. Lying is one thing; omitting a little bit of the truth is another.

But say he cheats and admits it, and say you still want to stay together? You're going to have to figure out how to trust him again. That might be possible, depending on how long you’ve known each other, how much you like each other, and how committed you feel. But if the whole trust thing is just not possible, then you need to break up. (After all, there's a reason so many people say once a cheater, always a cheater.) And, although it probably won’t make you feel better, you have a problem that—unfortunately enough—most people have to deal with; nearly 60% (!) of men admitted they’ve committed infidelities in a relationship.

You may have a temporarily broken heart, but it’s better than having a cheating boyfriend. One thing you should not do: Cheat on him to even the score. It might make you feel better for, like, two seconds (that’s how long a kiss is, right?) but then you’ll feel so much worse. One relationship with two cheaters doesn’t exactly make the bond any stronger.

In the legendary words of Beyoncé, "boy, bye."

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