Getting Over My First Best Friend Breakup
As painful as it was when my first (and only boyfriend) broke up with me, that couldn't come close to the way my best friend broke my heart.
Around five years ago (it still feels like yesterday), the girl who said we were best friends "forever" stopped talking to me. We had grown up in the same church and when I switched churches and revealed on Facebook that I was no longer Christian like her, she almost took it as a personal offense. After multiple letters and phone calls trying to convince her that we could get past our differences and that I still had the same morals, she agreed that we could still be friends.
For a little while, I thought things were OK. But then she wouldn't answer my calls. Her parents, who had once called me their second daughter, told me she couldn't talk to me the few times they even answered. The girl I used to talk to every single day had now completely blocked me out. I cried...a lot. Eventually, I just stopped trying.
After a long time I was able to stop worrying about her. I'd never forget her, but at least I didn't pine over her every day. I didn't have many other friends—she was my go-to—but I had enough to distract me from the loss.
That is, until a year or two ago, when my ex-best-friend placed herself right back into my line of sight via Instagram. She followed me. Why? Why did this girl who I thought hated me, who must know that she had broken my heart, want to see my feed of selfies and bad artwork? At the time it just felt like a cruel joke, but one I fell right into.
I followed her back and watched her every update. I cried for our dead friendship for the first time in a long time. I wallowed in envy at the photos with her new friends, in sadness at photos from our favorite restaurants, from her little brother's ball games that I used to attend, of her dog that used to chase me, of the movie nights I would've always been invited to, at everything she posted. It was torture, but in a sad way I loved it. I loved that I could see her face, look at what she was doing, and almost feel like I was a part of her life again.
I still go through her feed sometimes, but I don't allow myself any more suffering than the inevitable twinge of longing. I have realized that sometimes you go through changes in your life and you face the consequences. But those changes shape you. You lose people along the way, but there's a whole world more of them out there waiting for you to come along. Friends are a necessity, but if you rely on any of them too heavily you always risk heartbreak. You're not perfect and neither are your friends, so you can't expect things to always stay the same. Don't cling to promises of forever because no one can guarantee that they won't change. But that's okay. You'll change too, and for the better.
Because, as scary as it feels, growing apart from others is still growing.
By Audrey Chaffin, 17