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How to Get Over a Going-Nowhere Crush

How to Get Over a Going-Nowhere Crush

Having a crush is magical feeling. Which you probably know, since almost everyone has had a crush at some point in life, whether it’s the soccer player you’ve never talked to or the kid you sit with at lunch every day. You get to fantasize about an endless number of scenarios: how he could ask you to prom, how incredible your first date could be. You figure out how to flirt, how to make yourself seem ~dateable~ and even consider making the first move.

But crushing, while fun, can get unhealthy and distracting after a while. If you’re a girl with big plans (like, say, getting into your first choice college) there comes a point where you have to decide whether to date this guy or girl or just let him go.

I had to make that decision last fall. There’s this guy, John, who I was into for a long time. I’m a junior, and I’ve liked him since freshman year. He plays football; he’s smart and funny, and we’re pretty friendly. Like most guys, John was also super oblivious. He had no idea I liked him. Now, here’s the other thing. I’m a very ambitious girl; I want to go to Harvard and do something that will truly impact the world. Maybe I’ll become a senator, maybe I’ll work for the U.N.—I haven’t decided yet. But the first step is getting into the college of my dreams, so that meant taking a lot of AP classes.

John happens to be in my AP Chemistry and AP Government classes. In freshman and sophomore year, the Honors classes we shared were never particularly difficult. If I wanted to spend the hour subtly glancing at John or daydreaming about him, I could do it and still get an A. But I quickly found out the same thing wouldn’t work in AP classes. I got distracted by John as usual...and got a B- on the first AP Chem test of the year.

That was my wakeup call. Crushing on John had been fun up to that point, but no more. Chemistry was easily my best subject, so the fact that I got a B was literal proof that John was affecting my grades. I decided that I had to get over him. But that was more easily said than done. I learned that when it comes to a longtime crush, you have to either date them or let them go. Hanging on to those feelings but never making a move is not good for you.

It took me a good three days, but I finally worked up the nerve to tell John how I felt. Sort of. Instead of telling him face to face, I emailed him. I sent him a long letter about how much I liked him and why I thought he was so great and how I wanted to know if there was any way he would want to date me. He let me down gently, explaining that he was not looking for a relationship even though he respects me as a person. John’s response was perfect, except for the rejection.

“I learned that when it comes to a longtime crush, you have to either date them or let them go.”

The final part of getting over a crush is the aftermath once you’ve opened up. If (hallelujah!) they’re into it, go on a date. Be happy that things worked out, and have a nice, romantic relationship, even if it doesn’t last forever. If they say no, be upset. Cry if you need to. When you’ve liked someone for so long, dealing with rejection, no matter how much you expected it, is really difficult.

But move on. So this crush didn’t work out! That doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever. Now that they know you’re interested, maybe they’ll ask you out in the future. Maybe there’s someone who’s been crushing on you and you just don’t know it yet. Being rejected is not the end of the world. Letting go of a crush, no matter how difficult, can only lead to better things. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I speak from experience.

By Bhavana Ravala, 16

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