What to Do When Your Friend's in a Bad Relationship
My friend is in a really bad relationship and she refuses to get out of it. They've broken up like 280 times in the last month alone. It isn't physical abuse or anything but...I would really appreciate advice on how to talk to her about it, because it's not good for anyone involved.
You’re in a really tough position, because while you can see that your friend is in a bad relationship, she might not realize it. And it’s possible that when you point out the obvious—that she should cut things off fast—she might not agree, at least not yet.
There are a lot of things that make a relationship not-good, but make sure that it’s truly bad in an unhealthy and/or harmful way before you step in. Maybe he doesn’t treat her in the way you’d want to be treated, but maybe she’s happy with him. Awesome friends deserve equally awesome significant others, and sometimes, from your perspective at least, the relationship might seem out of whack. But then you have to remember that there was clearly something that brought them together in the first place. So maybe there's something between the two of them that you don't see, since you're not technically in it.
Or, yeah, maybe he’s a loser and she needs to run far, fast. And if they’ve broken up dozens (hundreds, even!) of times, then something’s likely not cool. If there’s no question of his terribleness, here’s what you gotta do: Talk to her. Obviously it’s not that simple, and it’s definitely not going to be easy. But would you be a real friend if you felt concerned about her general well-being, and didn’t mention it? Nope.
There’s a way to address the situation without pointing fingers or causing resentment. You could start by mentioning how much you care about her (even if it’s cheesy, it’s obviously true!) and that’s precisely the reason you’re bringing this up: because she deserves the best. Then tell her you want to make sure that she’s truly happy in this relationship—especially considering the bonkers number of times they’ve split—and that you’re down to help. Let her know how you feel about the whole thing. You can offer suggestions about what to you would do if you were in the situation, but chances are, this is probably something she’ll have to figure out on her own. Which she will. But in the meantime, simply just being there for her is the best first step.
Oh, and when they do break up (helloooo, it’s inevitable!) be there to help her move on.
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