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My Boyfriend and My Friends Dumped Me at the Same Time

My Boyfriend and My Friends Dumped Me at the Same Time

The past few weeks, I’ve been feeling terribly sad. You know, the sort of feelings you get when everything falls out of place. I was betrayed by the person I thought I had a future with, by my friends who talked badly behind my back, and even by my classmates and teachers at my university. 

The only silver lining that’s come from all of this has been knowing that I have nothing left to lose. Now that I’m alone, I'm trying to find out who I really am—which is something I have been wanting to do for some time now.

I thought that getting out of a romantic relationship would help me do that. Maybe I’d have some time for myself, think about what I really want, and reconnect with other things from my past that I’ve been ignoring. 

I thought I was going to be empowered and strong and unaffected. However, I soon learned that I couldn’t find myself while being surrounded by the wrong kind of people. I could not learn to be independent while leaning on others, especially when they didn’t have my best interest at heart. 

Instead of focusing on my pain and replaying recent memories in my mind, I’ve been focusing on healing myself and learning how to stay calm. I’m trying to be less affected by what other people say and do, and care less about rejection and others’ opinions. 

There is value in deciding to step out of friendships when they don’t make you better and don’t even make you feel good. There is value in standing up for yourself and drawing lines when you find it necessary. And there is value in accepting that you don’t always feel OK, that sometimes it is OK to be down.

Sometimes the empowerment that comes during hard times is not electrifying; sometimes it is more like the sun in spring you feel gently touching your skin while walking outside after a long time of being indoors. It is something lighter and calmer, and maybe it doesn’t make you as radiant. But it does make you heal, and it will make you feel better.

I've had time to think about the future. When we're in relationships, whichever type they are, we tend to cave in, to forget what we would like and start thinking about what we want as a team. This is good when both people are committed; but since I no longer have that, I have the chance to revisit those thoughts and find myself underneath all of them.

So when everything is lost and nothing else left, there’s actually something more important to find under all the destruction: yourself. You get to learn who you are—who you are without influences and strings attached, who you are in the face of chaos, and who you really are within.

By Daniella Prieto, 22

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