Will I Ever Find Someone?
Hi, I'm from Algeria and I’m having a lot of trouble. I’ve dated so many guys, but none of them have been good guys. It seemed like each of my relationships were going so well, but none of them have lasted and now I'm all alone. I’m afraid that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I feel so desperate, I’ve even thought of killing myself. I have no hope of finding a good guy who will treat me well or love me as much as I'll love him. I don't want to feel alone. Can you tell me how to fight this loneliness. Please?
First of all, if you’re having suicidal thoughts of any kind, at any time, please reach out to a trusted friend or suicide prevention hotline (like this one!) immediately.
Second of all? You’re not hopeless—you are never hopeless—but overcoming the bleak, crushing feeling of despair is hard. So it’s crucial to talk with someone you trust; getting assistance, preferably from a professional, doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it’s the opposite—and most of the time, it’s the first step to making things better.
Even though you feel alone, you aren’t. If you don’t have family you can talk to, chances are you have at least one loyal friend who would be thrilled to listen to you. This network of people you surround yourself with is even more important than having a guy. And while, sure, you don’t have a boyfriend right this minute, you could meet someone tomorrow. Or maybe you won’t meet someone for months, or even years! In the meantime, we recommend focusing on taking care of you. And—sorry for the cliche—the relationship you have with yourself really is the most important one in your life.
Start by surrounding yourself with books that'll remind you that being without a boyfriend doesn’t mean you’re not a fully-formed individual, and that marriage isn't the be all, end all. Loneliness sucks, but being alone ≠ loneliness. We believe that every woman, whether coupled-up or forever alone, should read Spinster by Kate Bolick. “You are born, you grow up, you become a wife. But what if it wasn’t this way?” Bolick writes in her bestseller. “What if a girl grew up like a boy, with marriage an abstract, someday thought, a thing to think about when she became an adult, a thing she could do, or not do, depending? What would that look and feel like?” Follow that up with All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent by Rebecca Traister.
And if you still need more encouragement, look no further than fellow Clover readers dealing with the same issue—and eventually learning to love their excellently single selves. Finally, we’ll leave you with this quote by Tracee Ellis Ross (whose entire inspiring Glamour Woman of the Year speech is worth revisiting). “So, if my life is actually mine...then I have to really live it for myself. I have to put myself first and not be looking for permission to do so.”
If you're in a crisis now, do not hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). To chat online with a counselor, click here.